Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Empathy, Anxiety and Listening
Empathetic understanding makes people feel respected - and that makes them open to accept challenges. It is in this context that you can be persistent in the pursuit of and push for change. -Nichols
People are unlikely to reconsider their assumptions until they feel they've been heard and understood. -Nichols
Listening is a silent activity. -Nichols
Anxiety is the enemy of listening -Nichols
People are unlikely to reconsider their assumptions until they feel they've been heard and understood. -Nichols
Listening is a silent activity. -Nichols
Anxiety is the enemy of listening -Nichols
Anti-judgment
"There is no single 'correct' or 'valid' way to live one's life. We have to come to understand that what is unacceptable behavior in one family or for one person is desirable bheavior in another. Therefore, clitns, not therapists, identify the goals to be accomplished in therapy." - Solution Focused, Nichol.
I took this to mean that you can only be an expert for yourself. You cannot be an expert on knowing about someone elses life. Only that person knows the depths of his/her own psyche. It would be highly judegemental to presume that we know better about a persons life than he/she does. People are experts on their own lives, in my practice as a therapist, I just want to help them reach clarity so they can began to trust what they already know. That's a hard and brave thing to do - to trust what you know. Especially when there are so many forces acting against your ability to be true to yourself.
I took this to mean that you can only be an expert for yourself. You cannot be an expert on knowing about someone elses life. Only that person knows the depths of his/her own psyche. It would be highly judegemental to presume that we know better about a persons life than he/she does. People are experts on their own lives, in my practice as a therapist, I just want to help them reach clarity so they can began to trust what they already know. That's a hard and brave thing to do - to trust what you know. Especially when there are so many forces acting against your ability to be true to yourself.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Bowen and Existentialism
"We become ourselves by learning to stand alone." - Murray Bown
I like this because it's congruent with existential ideas that we are ultimately alone in this world. We must take responsilbity for the freedom that we have and the choices that we make. Acceptance that the world is ultimately a lonely place and that no one can really join with us because no one can feel our experience the same way we do. We can only depend on ourselves as major sources of help and others as minor sources of help. Putting expectations on others only sets one up for disappointment, as no one can meet our expectations. Often, we can't even meet our own expectations. We must soothe ourselves.
I like this because it's congruent with existential ideas that we are ultimately alone in this world. We must take responsilbity for the freedom that we have and the choices that we make. Acceptance that the world is ultimately a lonely place and that no one can really join with us because no one can feel our experience the same way we do. We can only depend on ourselves as major sources of help and others as minor sources of help. Putting expectations on others only sets one up for disappointment, as no one can meet our expectations. Often, we can't even meet our own expectations. We must soothe ourselves.
Cyclic
Reacting to a person out of anxiety brings about the very response that we fear in that person. Distancer-pursuer, Attack-Withdraw - The more one person attacks, the more the other person withdraws. And the more the other person withdraws, the more attacks he/she receives. Cyclic.
Narrative Therapy
"Narrative therapists avoid pigeonholing people as normal or abnormal and reject general principles about what causes problems or what resovles them. they try not to stand over people in judegment - in any way. Instead, they strive to help clients make sense of their own experience." - Nichols
Damn right.
Damn right.
Changing cognitions rather than emotions - Narrative and Cognitive Therapy
I really like this idea. I'm constantly trying to reframe upsetting situations so that I can feel less anxiety about them. If I'm feeling anxiety about something, that means that there is a resistance there. My resistance exists within my perception of the situation. If I can percieve the situation differently, then I can become less resistant, more open, and less anxious to the experience. That's really the only way that I can grow and move forward. I think that's why I like to reflect on upsetting situations in my life. Usually, I feel pretty unsettled and uneasy when I am frustrated or upset. Alot of times, re-framing the situation helps me to de-escalate my thoughts so that I can flow. I like when I can do this. Its another experience that helps me feel empowered.
I really like this idea. I'm constantly trying to reframe upsetting situations so that I can feel less anxiety about them. If I'm feeling anxiety about something, that means that there is a resistance there. My resistance exists within my perception of the situation. If I can percieve the situation differently, then I can become less resistant, more open, and less anxious to the experience. That's really the only way that I can grow and move forward. I think that's why I like to reflect on upsetting situations in my life. Usually, I feel pretty unsettled and uneasy when I am frustrated or upset. Alot of times, re-framing the situation helps me to de-escalate my thoughts so that I can flow. I like when I can do this. Its another experience that helps me feel empowered.
Insight
"Advocates of insight endow it with pseudomedical properties: Insight, like medicine, cures. Actually, insight doesn't cure anthing; it's something through which cure occurs." - Nichols (Family Therapy)
From my experience, when I've gained a little more insight on my situation, I feel a deep sense of empowerment. The insight that I gain helps me to think differently, which ultimately helps me to feel differently about certain situations or life circumstances. This is much easier to do in some situations than it is in others. While I have been able to act on my insight on some things, I have failed to act on it within the context of other situations in my life. I'm still working on it, and I know that if I can get there, I will be able to experience a much more balanced sense of self. I already feel much more balanced now than I did a few years ago...even though there is lots of room for improvement, the insight that I have acted on thus far has allowed me to take responsibility for my own happiness and balance. Processing the emotional turmoil that I experienced in the past will always be a life long journey. I think I'm addicted to the feelings of empowerment that I get as I reflect on my experiences and act on such insights. Yup, I'm addicted.
From my experience, when I've gained a little more insight on my situation, I feel a deep sense of empowerment. The insight that I gain helps me to think differently, which ultimately helps me to feel differently about certain situations or life circumstances. This is much easier to do in some situations than it is in others. While I have been able to act on my insight on some things, I have failed to act on it within the context of other situations in my life. I'm still working on it, and I know that if I can get there, I will be able to experience a much more balanced sense of self. I already feel much more balanced now than I did a few years ago...even though there is lots of room for improvement, the insight that I have acted on thus far has allowed me to take responsibility for my own happiness and balance. Processing the emotional turmoil that I experienced in the past will always be a life long journey. I think I'm addicted to the feelings of empowerment that I get as I reflect on my experiences and act on such insights. Yup, I'm addicted.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Dichotomies
Being resistant, while not being resistant. Being open, while not being closed. Being optimistic, while not loosing my reality... I feel like life is a balance of all these parts of myself, but that balance is never really achieved. I like to try anyways. It's in this act of trying that I find my own balance.
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